Before I start this blog post I want to just clear up a few things, because this subject can be slightly triggering for many.
I do NOT judge your parenting, you can do what you like with your child because it is just that…..YOUR child. I have enough of my own business to be getting all on up in, without getting all on up in yours. No judgement here….non, nada, zilch…kapish?
This is simply my reasons why I won’t be introducing screens to my children early on, the official guidance and some ideas for those that might fancy giving screen free a go too.
So, from right before my baby girl was ever a glint in her daddies eye, I had decided that I didn’t want my children to have their heads stuck in screens for the majority of their childhood. I grew up in a house where we were not even allowed computer games… can you believe it?! And somehow, against all odds, I still ended up technologically literate. I can use a laptop, work a smartphone, survive online banking and generally function perfectly well in modern society. I was not left behind after all.
I read… a lot. I devoured books like The Famous Five and The Magic Faraway Tree and spent most of my childhood convinced I was one suspiciously shaped tree away from a full-blown, totally marvellous adventure, fizzed up on Ginger Beer and filled up on Moon Cakes (the Enid Blyton kind and not the sort that would end with you losing a shoe and making three new best friends in a nightclub toilet.)
I know that sounds a bit twee, but honestly, how cool would it have been to climb a tree and discover a fairy, a saucepan man and someone with a face like the moon? Children today have got animated fruit singing at them on YouTube and to be fair, it makes me go a bit sicky dizzy watching it….let alone a two year old.
We were forever making things out of toilet rolls, cardboard boxes and random bits of string. A cereal box could become a castle, a spaceship or a hospital for stuffed animals. One day we used an entire toilet roll bandaging Barbies!
One minute your teddy bear was just sitting on the bed, the next he was running a small but highly respected veterinary clinic out of an old shoe box.
I wanted my children to have that kind of childhood too. The sort where boredom turns into a whole fantasy world and a cardboard box becomes a pirate ship, a castle or a secret underground headquarters.
For me, screens can zap that beautiful, pure childhood imagination. That strange magic where children can spend an hour collecting sticks, making potions out of mud or creating an entire show for their parents on a Saturday afternoon.
Screens are so overwhelmingly loud, fast and shiny that they leave very little room for a child’s own ideas. Why invent your own world when a cartoon is already doing all the work for you?
I wanted my children to grow up believing the garden might contain fairies, the loft might have hidden treasure and the washing basket could absolutely double as a rollercoaster car.
I totally get however, that parenting is tough and getting five minutes alone for a cuppa and a quick piddle, is difficult to do with a tiny human demanding attention every waking second. I totally understand that sometimes, popping them in front of a screen just buys a few moments peace when your own nervous system is shot to bits. So if screens are your thing, then by all means crack on.
However, if like me you are interested in knowing the effects that phones and tablets have on our sprogs, then please my dear, peruse my research further.
The Official Guidance
The guidance mainly come from organisations like the World Health Organisation, the American Academy of Paediatrics, the Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health and the NHS, all of whom have looked at the research around child development, sleep, language and behaviour.
So, the current guidance is roughly:
- Under 2 years: ideally no screen time at all, except for things like video calls with family.
- Ages 2 to 5: around 1 hour a day maximum, and ideally that should be slower, higher-quality content with an adult involved. Think something slow paced, calm and educational, or a nature programme rather than twenty minutes of hyperactive animated fruit. Experts recommend watching with your child, talking about what they are seeing and avoiding leaving them alone with autoplay switched on.
A lot of experts now say it is not just about how much screen time children have, but also what they are watching, when they are watching it and whether someone is there with them. A video call with Grandma is very different to an hour of mindless scrolling or YouTube.
The Effects
Delayed speech and language skills
The biggest concern is language. Babies learn to talk by watching faces, hearing voices, copying sounds and having those strange little “conversations” where they point at a dog and you spend fifteen minutes saying, “Yes! Dog! That is a dog! Very good!” and then barking to really drive home the point. A screen can’t do that and the more time babies spend in front of screens, the less time they spend listening, babbling and interacting with real people, which is why too much screen time has been linked with smaller vocabularies and slower language development.
Poor sleep
Sleep can also become majorly affected by screens…let’s face it that goes for all of us and not just young children. Screens before bed can make it harder for babies and toddlers to settle, stay asleep and get good quality rest. Which is really the last thing any parent needs, because if your child is already waking you up at 4:47am with blood curdling cries down the monitor, they really do not need any extra help becoming more nocturnal.
Poor attention spans
There are also concerns around attention spans. Lots of fast-moving, bright, noisy videos can make normal life seem painfully dull by comparison. It is mostly people putting washing away, finding shoes and trying to work out where that smell is coming from…in our house it’s usually our daughters bottom. So, if a child gets too used to cartoons with flashing lights, constant songs and dancing fruit every three seconds, sitting down with a puzzle or listening to a story, or even just engaging with another human being can suddenly feel like an absolute mission.
Delayed learning
Another issue is that babies under two do not really learn from screens in the same way they learn from real life. Watching a cartoon character stack blocks is not nearly as useful as sitting on the floor with somebody and actually, physically stacking them. Babies need to touch things, throw things, chew things….chew everything…. and occasionally smash into things with their own heads by accident. That is how they learn and develop a whole plethora of skills needed for life.
The world loses it’s magic
Imagine coming out of the womb and seeing a tree for the first time. How incredible must that be? This enormous thing covered in leaves, moving in the wind for absolutely no reason, birds living in it, squirrels running up it.
Admittedly, it would be even cooler if it was a Faraway Tree filled with magical creatures and a man with a moon for a face, but even an ordinary tree is still pretty spectacular when you are brand new to the planet.
That is the thing about babies and young children is that everything is magic to them already…. a puddle…a dog….. a train….a ladybird…. the moon. The fact that their own foot has been attached to them this whole time.
Imagine missing all of that because there is a screen in front of your face. Imagine missing the actual world because a lemon with eyebrows is dancing on a black screen.
I think that’s the saddest effect of screens of all.
How to go screen free when you just want a coffee in peace
Look, I’m not an expert and I get that your child might be totally different to my child and that if I had a second child, that they might be different to my first child and that I will just want to put them in front of a giant purple grape lest I just be left alone!
However, we have made it to one year old without the need for phones, iPad, tv’s and the likes and I intend to continue in the same vein until she is wayyyy older. So here are a few tips if you really do want to go screen free.
Now…full disclaimer here….I cannot guarantee you a piddle in peace. Being on my technological high horse means that I rarely get a moment to myself. However, I do believe that my daughter is all the better for no screens.
Busy Activities
The good news is that babies and toddlers do not actually need much to stay entertained. Their standards are weirdly low and everything in the world is amazing to them!
Try setting up little “busy activities” that make them feel like they are doing something very important:
- Pots, pans and a wooden spoon
- A cardboard box big enough for them to sit in and declare themselves king or queen of
- Stickers…stickers create hours of fun (and hours of cleaning up…but that’s by the by)
- Water in a bowl and a sponge
- A basket of random safe household objects
- Building towers and then letting them destroy them like a tiny Godzilla
- Looking out of the window and judging strangers- my daughter and husband particularly like this game.
Read
We read all the time. I read to my daughter when she was in the womb and carried on and on! Now she loves to pull a huge pile of books off the book shelf on her own and flick through them. The other day I caught her reading to a pile of her stuffed animals…..granted the book was upside down, but they were all having a really lovely time.
Let them “help”
There are times when I need to eat. I know, selfish really. Unfortunately, trying to balance a baby in one arm and a knife in the other is both difficult and a genuinely terrible idea.
So I pop her in the highchair, let her watch what I am doing and talk to her while I cook. I know… talking…very old school.
We chat about everything: what I am chopping, what I am cooking, what the weather is doing, what the cats are doing, why the postman has chosen today of all days to wear shorts.
Granted, the conversation is a little one-sided because she is one, but she gives good babble and occasionally throws in something that sounds a bit like a drunk on a Saturday night.
To be fair, I talk to her all the time, in and out of the house. We’re basically like two best mates who have absolutely no idea what the other one is saying.
GET OUT!
If all else fails, take them outside. Outside is basically free entertainment and we love it! Leaves, sticks, puddles, dogs, buses, birds, gravel, mud, random flowers, a worm if you are lucky.
Look, I know I probably sound very smug and slightly unbearable, but screens genuinely terrify me and I do think we are starting to see the effects everywhere.
Children are finding it harder to concentrate, harder to sit still, harder to cope with boredom and harder to enjoy the slower, quieter parts of life. And honestly, adults are not much better. Half of us can’t even get through an episode of Emmerdale without simultaneously scrolling on our phones and Googling where we recognise someone from.
I do not judge anybody for using screens. Parenting is hard, exhausting and relentless and sometimes you just need ten minutes to make dinner, answer an email or sit in silence staring at a wall.
But, if you are anything like me and you feel a bit uneasy about how much of life now happens through a screen, it is okay to push back against it a little. It’s okay to choose books over cartoons, puddles over iPads and sticks over YouTube. It is okay to let your child be bored sometimes. In fact, boredom is often where the good stuff starts. Boredom is AMAZING for children!
Childhood is already magic without a screen telling them what to look at.
There are dogs to point at, puddles to jump in, worms to collect, boxes to sit in, spoons to bang, trees to climb and strange little games to invent for absolutely no reason.
Before long, they will have the rest of their lives to stare at screens like the rest of us tired little goblins.