Newborn Survival guide: A realistic look at the first few weeks.
Welcome to the newborn survival guide!
I just want to first light up in big pink, fluorescent lights a caveat here….no two babies are the same and no two motherhood experiences are the same.
What works for one family, may very well be the worst thing for yours. Some women love the newborn stage and some absolutely loathe it and find that they have totally lost who they are.
Whatever you find your experience pans out to be, please remember that it’s not wrong.
This guide is not to tell you how to have the most perfect, idyllic fourth trimester going. It’s a simple, honest and hopefully helpful little ditty of support, reassurance and survival tips to assist you through the first few weeks of motherhood. Imagine if you will that I am holding the crook of your arm and walking with you across the road. You can do it perfectly well yourself; you are more than capable….but sometimes it’s nice to have someone along for a chat!
(Sometimes to be fair, that’s all you want as a new mom, but we’ll get to that later.)
The truth about the newborn stage
Truth on the table here , and I reckon if you asked most new moms they would agree, you can prep as much as you like before baby comes – there’s books galore and everyone has done it before and has their two penneths worth to chuck in- but I don’t think anything can fully one hundred per cent prepare you . So don’t feel disheartened if you initially felt like you would have it in the bag and then two days with an actual real live newborn leaves you feeling like you are lost out at sea without a raft let alone a paddle.
You AREN’T failing , you WERE cut out to be a mom and, unless you’re Mary Freaking Poppins , not one of us truly knew what we were doing at the start …and frankly…we still don’t !!
Winging it is very much a recurring theme in parenthood!
Newborn life can feel repetitive , relentless and sometimes a little lonely. Sometimes you will feel like you’ve achieved absolutely nothing in a day as you travel through a cycle of nappy change, feed , burp, rock to sleep and repeat.
Your job here is to remember that you are an actually achieving enormous , incredible things, even if it doesn’t feel like it.
You are bonding, learning your baby (because no manual can truly teach you) and most of all you are showing them that you love them, that when they are hungry they will be fed, that they are safe in this weird wild world that they have come rocketing into.
You are literally the reason why this tiny baby is staying alive and so if the dishes aren’t done and the ironing gets forgotten, it’s totally normal and perfectly fine.
Survival mode is normal
I certainly wasn’t used to just scraping through my days in survival mode. It was a very alien concept to me. I LOVE motherhood and did right from the minute I found out I was pregnant ( I am aware that this is neither unique and also not always true for everyone else and again, both are okay and perfectly normal). However, I really struggled in those first few weeks to just accept the situation. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough because suddenly I had stopped working and bringing in a decent wage . I had to (A) learn to give into the chaos and embrace it and (B) accept that life was going to go at a different pace now. I found it really hard to slow down and accept that I would spend most of my day on the sofa with a boob out!
You have to remember that (a) Babies survival is now the MOST important thing and (B) your body is healing , your hormones are like Jedward on steroids – rampant and wild! Your sleep is fragmented at best and at worst you are hallucinating due to sleep deprivation- been there and done that and it was WEIRD !
Your entire identity is starting to shift. It’s a lot ….. like … a lot a lot .
Fuck the bullshit online where influencers are popping out babies and then running their side hustles whilst redeveloping their homes all whilst balancing on a unicycle! I take my hat off to those that do it , but it’s not realistic for the great majority of us. There will be days when your biggest achievement will be keeping your child alive and freshening yourself up with a baby wipe wash.
Understand that that is a bloody big achievement in those first few weeks and celebrate your bad self.
What newborns are actually like
Needy …very very needy! I had sort of imagined that a newborn would just generally sleep in a cot for long periods of time . I don’t know where this idea came from, or how I had this idea in my head, because the actual reality is that they want to be on you A LOT .
This is really normal and if you think about it, perfectly understandable. They have spent nine months cooking nicely in your warm, protective belly. Close to you, cocooned in your warmth. They then come slip sliding out, totally naked, cold and bewildered into this weird old world. I think as an adult I would need to be held tightly too!!
We are carrying mammals. Top tip – get yourself to a sling workshop and then invest in one my friend! It will be the best money you’ve ever spent. Trust and believe me.
You will not spoil your baby by holding him or her too much. Holding is good. Cuddling is amazing! The benefits are incredible. Baby wearing can help to regulate baby’s heart rate, body temperature and breathing. Carried babies cry and fuss considerably less and it encourages bonding with the parent and helps to meets baby’s strong need for a sense of security and attachment, which will lead to greater confidence and independence later in life…to name but a few benefits !
Newborn Behaviour ;
Newborns Wake frequently – potentially every two to four hours. They will feed around the clock and (particularly If you are breastfeeding) they are going to cluster feed, which let me tell you, is an experience .
They will confuse day and night because they have no circadian rhythm.
All of this is normal, fine and dandy!
Day and night confusion
Newborns aren’t born knowing about day and night. Inside the womb there’s no difference and no handbook for “what to expect when you get birthed.”
Babies don’t start to develop a circadian rhythm until around 2-3 months when their brains start to produce melatonin and cortisol. In the meantimes their stomachs basically rule their routine – I feel like at forty mine pretty much still rules mine if I’m totally honest !!
They wake frequently day and night and this is normal! It doesn’t mean that you are doing something wrong!
There’s things you can do to help the day/ night cycle develop but don’t put too much pressure on yourself early doors. Keep it nice and simple;
Open curtains and let the light in in the morning. Don’t be afraid to make noise and…top tip… change baby out of night clothes and into day clothes. It doesn’t matter if you are just swapping one baby grow for another.
At night keep all lights and noise low and to a minimum and change back into night clothes. Have some kind of routine where perhaps you read gently to baby and then sing lullabies perhaps.
Feeding
Babies have tiny wee stomachs when they are first born – around the size of a marble. This grows to around the size of an egg at around the one month marker. This means that they digest milk quickly ( and poop it out even faster – sometime so fast that it helps to add pattern to your decor, favourite tshirt and in my case and…. on more than one occasion…. your face!).
Sometimes they digest milk within a couple of hours and sometimes constantly during cluster feeding periods.
Cluster feeding
Cluster feeding can happen to both bottle and breast fed babies, although it’s more commonly associated with breast fed babies. It can feel a LOT. Many women worry because it can often literally be every twenty minutes and the doubting questions start to arise ;
Am I producing enough milk?
Are they still hungry?
Why won’t they settle?
Is it me ?
However, cluster feeding is incredibly common and perfectly normal. It can happen because baby is “tanking up” ready for a big growth spurt, or because baby is trying to boost your milk supply due to increasing appetite as their stomach grows.
Cluster feeding can also be for comfort and soothing, especially during the witching hour ( which is most definitely not an hour and which we will revisit in a short moment!) and also to biologically prep themselves for sleep.
It can be exhausting . Your boobies no longer feel like your own. You start to feel a bit like Daisy the Cow being milked in some kind of battery farm situation. However it is temporary and it will ease off eventually . Make sure you are always in reach of snacks, plenty of fluids and a tv remote!!
If in doubt always speak to your health visitor who will be able to reassure and guide you.
Feeding realities
However you feed your baby, feeding a newborn is hard work! And, rather sadly I feel, there’s not a big shiny medal waiting for you at the end of it. So listen up – do it how you want to do it and don’t allow anyone to put pressure on you to do it a certain way. If you aren’t sure how to do it then give it all a go and see what works best for you.
Breastfeeding
I very naively thought that breastfeeding would be easy. Just pop out a boob out, stick baby on it and jobs a goodun!
The truth is that, although it’s natural, it doesn’t mean that it’s easy. It’s actually quite hard and takes some getting used to. Don’t let that put you off if it’s something you want to do though.
My advice to you would be to get yourself to a breast feeding workshop pre baby and lean on midwives and health visitors to help you establish your journey post baby.
I suffered with a very painful nipple in the start and in the end I had a breast feeding specialist come out to see me and physically watch me feed . She advised me on style and technique and it fixed a myriad of issues. The pain was no more and me and baby got into our rhythm.
Never be afraid to ask for help. There’s no shame in reaching out and, honestly, you get quite used to whipping your baps out and having someone watch you feed doesn’t actually feel as weird as it sounds, especially when you are in pain.
Feeding around the clock
One of the hardest parts of newborn life is how constant and relentless feeding can feel. This can make parents , particularly moms, feel trapped, drained, or just completely touched out.
This is very normal.
Make sure to talk to someone you can trust when you feel this way. Share the life load with a partner, parent or friend if you can and make sure to look after yourself by eating nourishing foods and staying hydrated.
You are only human. Don’t beat yourself up if you feel like you just want to be left alone for a minute. It doesn’t mean you love your baby any less and it doesn’t mean that you are a bad mom.
Newborn sleep
So we have briefly touched upon the whole day and night confusion and babies tiny bellies and so we know that newborns are going to be waking around every 2-4 hours in the night. In the first few weeks you really need to be actually waking newborns up if they sleep longer than four hours as they need to feed to put on weight and regulate their blood sugars.
Social media will have you believe that newborn sleep should immediately be independent, structured and predictable. But what is social media ….say it with me everyone …..BULLSHIT! Now louder for the people in the back!
It can be so tempting to reach out to online gurus, especially when you feel like your brain is starting to melt through your nose thanks to sleep deprivation, but do not put pressure on yourself at all to establish a sleep routine in those first few months. If you are really struggling talk things through with a health visitor or qualified medical practitioner.
My honest advice to you would be avoid social media “sleep consultants” like the plague, especially as a recent investigation by the BBC (2026) has shown that some of the advice they dish out can be potentially harmful and the advice of one such sleep consultant ended in the death of a baby because safe sleep guidelines were ignored.
Safe sleep
The most important thing is to learn about with your newborn and learn well, is safe sleep. You can find all the guidelines through the NHS and The Lullaby Trust. Safe sleep helps to prevents against SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome).
The “Back To Sleep” campaign launched in the early 90’s is exactly what it says on the tin and can save lives. Essentially, always place baby to sleep on their back for all sleep periods, including naps. Babies should not be sleeping on their front or their side as this can restrict airways.
Place feet to foot – which means ensure that their feet are touching the bottom of the cot or crib. This ensures that they can’t wriggle down under bedding.
Babies should be in a clear cot or crib on a firm, flat and waterproof mattress. There should be no toys, pillows, loose blankets, duvets, pods, nests, or things to keep baby in a sleeping position and no rolled towels. Clear means CLEAR.
The room should be between 16 and 20 degrees. If, like us you find yourself with a newborn in the height of a hot and sticky summer, then dress baby accordingly if the room is hotter than 20 degrees. This might mean placing them to sleep in just a nappy on the hottest nights (again there’s a full chart on The Lullaby Trust website to help you figure it out). We found it really useful to invest in a Tommy Tippee Egg thermometer which told us the exact temperature and changed colour depending on temperature.
Baby sleeping bags can help reduce the risk of SIDS, but ensure that they are not weighted. They should fit well around baby’s neck, arms and shoulders so that they cannot sink down into the material and should be the right tog for the time of year.
If you do use blankets, then remember FEET TO FOOT of cot and tuck the blanket under babies armpits and all around the bed to ensure they do not come loose. Use cellular blankets that allow baby to stay warm, but air to flow round.
Babies should be in the same room as you for at least six months.
I panicked at first because all of this just seemed so much to remember, but you soon get used to it and it becomes second nature to reel off the checklist at night and nap times.
Do also remember that you shouldn’t fall asleep with a baby on the sofa as SIDS can still occur even during the day.
Getting baby to sleep
There’s a whole host of reasons why babies struggle to go to sleep and I never realised this until I had one!
There’s the whole thing that they don’t produce melatonin until later on and they have no circadian rhythm and that’s just the start! Stress hormones like Cortisol and Adrenaline also make life harder for newborn sleep too.
Plus, I genuinely believe that my daughter had extreme FOMO! If that kid thought she was going to miss something then there was no getting her down!
We did however adopt some tricks to help with things.
White noise and gentle rocking really helped at night and for daytime naps she loved a buggy nap. She was also putty in my hands if I put her in the sling.
I did used to sing to her, but I’m not sure if that was more hindrance than help!
The Witching Hour
I worry about highlighting The Witching Hour to parents-to-be because I don’t want to breed a sense of dread before you’ve even started. HOWEVER, I do kind of wish someone had told me about it beforehand so at least I knew what I was going to be dealing with. Fore-warned is fore-armed as they say!
So…the Witching Hour…let’s get into it. Firstly, it’s very rarely just an hour. You might find that your newborn starts to become very fussy in the early evening and that it continues for some time into the night. They seem overstimulated, impossible to put down, unsettled and just generally pretty pissed off. Fussiness soon makes way to full blown melt down….and that’s just the parents!!
There are a few possible reasons for this. The first is that they are constantly growing and may be experiencing a growth spurt.
Cluster feeding is also another possibility. My Health Visitor told me that babies want to stock up on more calories at night to help them grow and to just give into it (I breastfed).
It could be colic – this peaks around six weeks of age and, having had trapped wind myself, I can only imagine it’s really bloody uncomfortable.
Alternatively, they could just be really overstimulated and, yep – I get that too!
Help!
There are things to do to help during that period of absolute joy (!!) each evening. You could get outside for an evening walk, weather permitting. Fresh air is a wonder drug for both parent and child if you ask me!
Limit noise and light as much as possible when at home. Keep rooms dimly lit and perhaps even play low level soothing lullabies.
Get moving. Rocking, swaying and gently bouncing are all great ways to soothe little one to sleep.
You can also use a white noise machine to soothe baby as it mimics the sounds in your womb. We loved ours! It worked a right treat.
TAKE A BREAK
I highlighted this one in capitals because it’s super duper important. The midwives at all your appointments and all your health visitors will tell you this too – TAKE A BREAK.
There’s a reason why the sound of babies crying is used as a torture technique. My friend….it takes..it’s…toll. No matter how patient you are, no matter how much you love your baby, no matter how resilient you believe yourself to be, after three hours of constant wailing you will want to cut off your own ears.
This is the time when genuinely good and wonderful parents can do the most damage to their children. Tempers get frayed and babies get shaken and there’s a real potential that you could harm your baby in that moment.
I say it again….TAKE A BREAK.
Swap with your partner and if you can’t swap with someone else because you are on your own, place baby down safely in their cot or crib and leave the room. You won’t hurt them by leaving them to cry whilst they are placed safely in a cot and you take five. You could potentially hurt them if you don’t. Take some deep breaths, get a drink of water and then try again when you have given your own nervous system time to calm down a little.
At the end of the day, babies sense when you are agitated and it only makes them worse and so it’s in everyone’s best interests to stay as calm as possible.
Dealing with change
Having a baby is a massive change to life and there’s no getting away from that. Your body has literally grown another person and you need to remember that. Once baby is here the whole world will focus on them. What they are eating, when they are eating, when they are sleeping, how they are sleeping….but you are also going through something enormous both physically and mentally.
Recovery takes time.
You might find that your identity has a bit of a wobble. You aren’t the person you were before you gave birth and you were never supposed to be, but it is okay to grieve that side of you. Motherhood changes you because it has to. You have to go through the change to keep that tiny human alive. Some people embrace it and some really struggle with it….and as someone that did embrace it, I can tell you that even those that embrace it still struggle sometimes too.
It’s okay!
You can love your little baby more than anything else you have ever loved before and still miss your old life. Those feelings can co-exist and you do not have to beat yourself up about it.
Things that help
Talking. Talking always helps. Bend the ear of a loved one, a professional, or get yourself to a mother and baby group where there will be ten or fifteen other women all experiencing similar things to you in that moment. Just don’t bottle it all up alone.
Batch cook before baby comes along if you can and freeze it all so that you can just pull out simple meals in the midst of the Witching Hour. If you can’t or didn’t do that then keep meals simple for a while just while you find your feet. Nobody needs to be whipping up Michelin star meals in the depth of newborn territory.
Lower your household expectations. You do not need a perfect house – it can all come later. Alternatively accept help. I really struggled to do this one! However, if people are offering to come and run the hoover round and clean the bathroom just let them.
They say it takes a village to raise a child, but you need to be prepared to let that village in.
Get outside
One of the things that saved me during the fourth trimester was walking outdoors. It did wonders for my mental health and also really soothed my daughter. I’ve said it before and I will say it again….fresh air is a wonder drug! If you can, go somewhere green and soak up nature. It makes a world of difference.
What you don’t need
You do not need expensive baby gadgets, perfect routines, aesthetic nurseries, twelve developmental activities a day, pressure from social media or to bounce back! All you need to do is love, provide food, comfort and safety….and that’s it.
Tiny wins matter
During the newborn stage it really is the tiny wins that matter. A hot coffee, a shower in peace for five minutes, a walk around the block, or baby sleeping for an hour. Surviving the newborn period is not about perfection, it is about just getting through one day at a time.
I know that sounds like I’m telling you how to make it through hell, but I’m not…not really. Maybe surviving is a strong word! Maybe my best advice is to slow down and not just survive. The newborn stage can seem like hard work, especially on a lack of sleep. However, it is so fleeting and I definitely miss some parts of that time now that my daughter is older and more independent. Don’t feel pressure to do anything or be anyone other than mom in those few short months. Keep it all simple and suddenly you will find that you gain confidence, understand your baby more and are adapting quite beautifully to this weird new life.
Some days will feel magical and some will feel really hard, but it won’t be like that forever.