When people talk about pregnancy symptoms, they usually stick to the basics: morning sickness, cravings, glowing skin (which frankly I reckon is pretty debatable), and the big, beautiful, blossoming bump. (I really loved my bump!)
But beyond that lies a whole world of unexpected bodily chaos… weird things that happen that no one ever really talks about…and honestly, that’s probably because some of them are pretty damn gross and shouldn’t really be brought up in polite society!
This is your unofficial heads-up. Because sometimes it’s not the nausea or the fatigue that throws you… it’s the superpowered nose, the fatigued bowel, and the rogue sneeze that makes you cross your legs and pray to whatever God you worship that your pelvic floor holds out.
Let’s get into it……
- Hairy McClairy!
Thanks to the delightful hormone rollercoaster, some hair gets thicker, some hair disappears altogether… I lost my eyebrows! A little heads up….once that bump grows, reaching a razor round your unmentionables becomes an olympic challenge. You’re going to need a decent pair of hedge trimmers after giving birth!
- You might start snoring like a baby warthog
Never snored in your life? Pregnancy is here to humble you. Congestion from increased blood flow and swelling in your nasal passages can turn you into a noisy beasty at night.
Your partner may start gently suggesting separate beds. They’re right. Save the romance for the postpartum sweat fest.
3.Bizarre Dreams
Whilst we are on the subject of sleep, you will more than likely experience some seriously weird ass and terrifyingly realistic dreams! Thankyou once again to those wonderful hormones, stress and anxiety and changing sleep patterns.
- Your nipples could get darker and wider
No one tells you that your areolas might go from soft blush to “oh my god!” and double in diameter. It’s biology, prepping baby’s first target practice.
- Your skin might mell… different. You’ll know, because you can smell everything.
Pregnancy gives you super smell powers, which means you will smell everything. I had to ask my husband to brush his teeth before he came near me in the first trimester because his breath just aggravated my morning sickness. The poor bloke has excellent dental hygiene and rarely ate anything smelly! It’s a wonder our marriage made it out alive!
At the same time, your own scent may change — subtle shifts in body chemistry. It’s completely normal, even if you feel like a walking wet dog.
- You might dribble..a lot!
A lot. Like, dribble-on-the-pillow a lot. “Say it don’t spray it” became a common phrase in our house and sometimes saliva would just randomly gush out of my mouth!
Excess saliva (called ptyalism) is a lesser-known symptom, but completely normal. Thanks to…..you guessed it…..hormones! Hearburn can also stimulate saliva production as the body attempts to coat the esophagus.
At the same time as you are experiencing pregnancy saliva tsunami’s, you might also find you have a metallic taste in your mouth. Again thanks to……you guessed it….HORMONES!
- You might give off vampire vibes!
Randomly brushing your teeth and suddenly it looks like you’ve had a dental boxing match? It’s called pregnancy gingivitis, and it’s very real.
Dental check-ups are a must, even though you’re probably tired of appointments. Floss like your mouth depends on it (because it kinda does) and make sure to see the hygienist regularly. Gum conditions can be linked to adverse pregnancy outcomes such as preterm birth and low birth weight.
- You may cry…..at anything and everything.
The emotional chaos is not just cliché — it’s chemical. You might burst into tears over a dog food commercial or because your sandwich had the wrong type of cheese.
Feel your feelings. Just maybe keep tissues and snacks on standby.
- You might leak from various places unexpectedly
Sneezing, laughing and walking briskly all become risk factors for unintended pee. And that’s before the baby even arrives.
Also your boobs might leak early colostrum in trimester two or three. Totally normal.
- You might feel electric….down there
“Lightning fanny” is real. You might experience sharp, sudden pains caused by nerve pressure as baby settles into your pelvis. It’s harmless, but it will make you gasp a bit!
- A little blocked up!
Talking about the lower half of your body….you might find that constipation becomes an annoying and highly unwanted friend during your pregnancy. Hormones slow down the digestive system. Lactolose, prunes and lots of water do help. If all else fails….a stick of dynamite might do the job!! (Jokes!).
Pregnancy is weird, wild and sometimes just really gross!
Your body is not broken. It’s just inventing new ways to surprise you daily. Remember that every pregnancy is unique and not all women experience any or all of these symptoms, but it you are Googling “Why do my nipples feel like power tools” or wondering why your armpits smell like cheese and potato pie, just know:
You’re not alone. You’re not weird. You’re pregnant. And that, dear wild mom, is magic.