The fourth trimester is a genuinely beautiful and magical time, but it’s also one of the most difficult things that I’ve ever lived through.
Sleep deprivation is horrifically brutal and there were times that I was genuinely concerned that my brain might actually be melting through my nose. On top of that, as a new mom, I’d never taken care of a child before and suddenly I was expected to keep this tiny human alive. Google became my constant companion as I researched everything from “is this poop normal?” to “will my baby ever stop crying?”
New levels of mental overwhelm were unlocked . I wasn’t prepared for how much I would love this tiny creature, or how protective I would become…My stomach would churn and my anxiety levels would spike hard when someone took my daughter away from me for a cuddle. I’m talking people that I would implicitly trust with my own life here!
A couple of times very deeply trusted, loved members of my family would take her off for a little walk outside just to give me breathing space to eat my tea and I would just sit and imagine every worst case possible that might happen. What if they tripped and fell over a loose slab with her……what if a car came tearing round the corner and hit them…..what if a giant bald eagle, wrestling a twenty foot alligator suddenly hurtled down from the sky, rugby tackling them into a ball of teeth and murderous frenzy?!!
Okay, the last one is stupid….alligators can’t play rugby, their hands are too small to hold the ball!
Nobody prepared me for this swirling mass of love and fear and every feeling in between.
In the UK, postnatal depression (also known as postpartum depression) affects around one in ten new mothers within the first year after birth. And the “baby blues” are incredibly common, impacting up to 80% of women. These stats are more than just numbers. They’re a reminder of how vital it is to take mental health seriously during the early weeks of motherhood.
Given that I work for a mental health charity and have some knowledge in this area, I knew early on that I’d need to actively protect my own mental wellbeing during the fourth trimester. Not just for my sake, but so I could show up fully as the kind of mom I wanted to be. I’d waited so bloody long for this moment, I wanted to be present for it. I wanted to savour the magic, not just survive it.
So here are some of the things that I put into practice along the way. I hope that they can help you too.
Keep it simple
There’s no point pretending that you will ever have time to take part in an intensive yoga course, or journal your feelings….trust me, you’ll struggle to find a bra that’s not covered in baby sick, let alone pen and paper and an extra spare half hour to write! Just keep it simple. Breathe!
Seriously….just breathe.
One of the easiest and most effective ways to support your mental health in the fourth trimester is through simple, intentional breathing. You don’t need candles, cushions, or a quiet room. You can do it while feeding, changing nappies, or pacing the bedroom with a screaming baby at 3 a.m.
Try “balloon breathing”: inhale slowly through your nose, filling your belly like a balloon, then exhale gently through your mouth. Or use “box breathing”: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four. Repeat a few cycles whenever you start to feel overwhelmed.
It won’t fix everything, but it will help slow your heart rate, ground your nervous system, and give you a little space to catch your breath, mentally and physically.
Talk and acknowledge your feelings out loud.
My husband and I made a point of being open with each other when things started to feel hard. We didn’t try to tough it out or pretend we were coping better than we were. There was no prize for being the most “together.” Just two tired people, trying our best, and giving each other permission to say, “This is really hard today.”
Eat, drink, and be merry…
Or at least feel a little more human.
When you’re deep in the fourth trimester, it’s easy to forget the basics. You’re so focused on feeding your baby that you forget to feed yourself. But staying nourished matters more than ever.
Try to drink plenty of water throughout the day (especially if you’re breastfeeding), and aim for meals and snacks that are wholesome and easy. Think: foods that actually give you energy, not just sugar spikes. Things like porridge, smoothies, boiled eggs and lots of fruit and veg.
You don’t need to cook from scratch or hit any kind of wellness ideal…this isn’t about perfection. It’s about giving your body what it needs to recover, and your mind the fuel it needs to function. A well-fed parent is a more resilient one.
So yes, eat, drink, and maybe even sneak in a treat or two. You’ve earned it.
Lower the bar and log off if you need to.
Seriously, you don’t need to follow Instagram accounts that make parenting look effortless, or feel bad because your house doesn’t look like a magazine spread. Spoiler alert: no one’s life actually looks like that behind the scenes.
The laundry can wait. The washing up can wait. Perfection can definitely wait.
Now is the time to stop piling unnecessary pressure on yourself. You’re doing something extraordinary by nurturing a tiny human while healing, adjusting, and surviving. That’s more than enough.
Get outside
Fresh air can work absolute wonders for both you and your baby. When you’re stuck in the same four walls, everything can start to feel heavier…your thoughts, your mood, and the internal noise. A simple walk outside can seriously shift all of that, even if just for a little while.
You don’t need to hike a mountain or go anywhere fancy. A gentle stroll around the block, sitting on a bench with a coffee, or simply just standing in the garden with your baby in your arms can be enough. Nature has a way of calming the nervous system and helping you to reconnect with yourself.
Sleep when you can
There’s no point telling you to sleep when the baby sleeps because that is a ridiculously unhelpful comment! There’s stuff to be done when the baby sleeps…most of the time it was when I managed to get a quick shower or shovel my breakfast down my throat. Simply sleep when you can. If someone can come over and hold the baby during the day for just half and hour then great! Lean on your partner, your friends, your family and just grab shut eye whenever you are able to.
However you choose to care for your mental health, remember this: you are doing an incredible job. Truly. Showing up each day, in whatever way you can, is more than enough.